Saturday, April 05, 2008

If you`re still there !!

It`s been a while I know.. I must admit that I feel very guilty towards my blog .. it is like adobting a child then abandoning him in the middle of the road.. the guilt is intense that sometimes I would rather prefer to delete it than having it infront of my face whenever I open my PC..I would avoid checking it whenever I`m online.. i sometimes wonder what was the reason behind opening this blog.. and why the flame that led me to open it had faded gradually .. I must confess that alot of what is in my mind is hard to be poured into words.. not because it`s hard or something ..no .. it is just the courage to express myself more freely.. and the invisible bounderies that ban me from being more sincere ..
my blog was supposed to be about our family and our daily challenges... yet I found it really hard to give a record of what we see and experience on a daily basis.. maybe the language is a barrier since I decided to write in English ... the language choice was -maybe- because I felt that my own language will expose me .... hiding behind a second language was one of my ways to creatre a new space of freedom ... " they will never know who I am " I would tell myself.. then I will ask myself why am I hiding.... and from whom... I never opened a taboo topic .. and most of my posts are simple day-to-day records without any details..
I`m a free spirit who believe in equality .. justice and peace.. I have my strong opinions that lead to endless debates and discussions .. I don`t take life for granted.. I appreciate every single drop of water I dring ... every molecule of oxygen I breath.. I question everything in life .... yet , I never opened those topics with you guys.. prefering to be a normal working -now student- mother with a normal family ( what is the normality anyway?) .. hiding behind the safety of normality and anonymity..!!
I need to reflect on my blog.. it has to be changed.. I may consider changing the language or even writing in mix .. I love the Arabic language... mama and baba spent a good part of their lives teaching us how to use this beautiful language in a perfect way.. they believe that you would never master any language if you don`t express yourself correctly in your own language.. I think they`re right...
I may consider changing the title ... it is not about only my family... it is our lives and the lives of others...it is about the concept of life...
i need to take more time to think .. then I `ll decide what to do.. and for you who are still there .. wait for me .. I`ll be back soon

4 comments:

Ghazi Gheblawi said...

We are still here, it is true I didn't visit your blog since it has been on hiatus for a long time. Let me agree with all you wrote on this post, especially on using Arabic and addressing more broad subjects, I liked what you said quoting your parents 'they believe that you would never master any language if you don`t express yourself correctly in your own language'. keep writing keep blogging.. welcome back
Ghazi

Um Dania said...

thanks Ghazi for your support .. and thanks for introducing us t Karima`s blog .. it is very interesting and what a coincidence that she lives in the same city that I live in.. it`s good to see Newcastle through her eyes...
I will try to be more regular ... hope so..

thanks again
Um Dania

Anglo-Libyan said...

salam Um Dania,

welcome back and I add my voice to Ghazi'z and look forward to what ever you decide to do with your blog.
hope all is well and regards to the lovely Dania, Allah bless her.

abdullah SH said...

U right um dunia ... Me 2 asking same qustion on why we writte in eng & surprise u carry same answers whch i thinking in it even i writte 'e my real name & real pic bt always thr's feeling 2 be hidden behined somthin mask & 4 me in many posts ths mask 's languigsh even in many times looks bad bt as u say it's way 2 learning ... So u answered as wht i wll answering if asked samd qu .. Why u writte n eng !! Salam sis